Erasing the Grim

Kate goes to school all day on Fridays. It wears her OUT. And a HUNGRY Kate + a TIRED Kate = a major MELTDOWN (as I'm sure is the case in a lot of kids).

But there is something magic in an apron, a promise of pizza (her favorite dinner) and a little one-on-one time with mom (and getting frustrations out through kneading dough).

These pix are from like 6 weeks ago, but the same thing happens almost every Friday night (major last night), which is also always pizza night. Check it out...

Kate BEFORE the offer of donning an apron, getting her hair pulled back, and helping me:

Pretty grim.

Now, Kate AFTER being offered to help, donning an apron, and getting her hair pulled back (and groovin' to some music):

See the difference?

Yeah, there's no way I would NOT have her help. She's too dang cute when she does. Getting all giddy and silly like...

{[( And Happy Birthday to Bob Marley today. The Duppy Conqueror would've been 65. )]}

consumerism - presents vs. presence

December is here - Christmas season. Check this video out before doing any of your Christmas spendings. It inspired Weston and I in a variety of ways. Hopefully it will do the same for you.

i am ThankFul for electricity

Our power went out yesterday. It was out for 4 or 5 hours.

We got all prepared to sleep in the family room in front of the fireplace, and eat dinner by candlelight. We grilled chicken on the grill outside. We lit candles.

It got really dark. But we were together and we were warm.

Then it came back on. Disappointment bursted from children's mouths. So we turned the lights off.

We ate, read, and colored by candlelight. We thought about all the people who never, ever had electricity. For around 6000 years there were people living without electricity. We thought about that in awe.

And then we started the dishwasher.

one of THOSE days

Yesterday was on of those days. You know, one of those days where you would just rather have crawled into a hole.

Sundays are not my favorite days. They should be, I know, but they are much more stressful than other days for me. Weston irrigates the hay fields in the mornings, or in winter feeds the cows, then comes in and showers, eats, and leaves for his meeting. So that leaves me to get our kids fed/nursed, dressed, and since our church doesn't start until 12:30, refed/renursed, sometimes redressed, sacrament-busy stuff, baby stuff, primary stuff, and rounded up in the car for the 35 minute trip by myself. And I won't even go there about getting shoes and socks on their feet.

Big whoop, right? Well it is to me.

When we got to church yesterday, late as always, I rushed everyone out of the car. Kate only had her pink and purple tie-dye crocs, Ezra his brown flip-flops, and Spencer did have his nice shoes but no socks.

When we walked into the building they were singing the opening song. I rushed everyone, reverently, into the chapel and the only space big enough for all of us was the FRONT ROW! Without thinking I headed straight for it. Big mistake, right? Yup. Especially since Weston was helping with the sacrament on the other side of the chapel. I thought I'd be alright until he got there...hahaha. This is what happened before he came to sit with us:

• Kate and Ezra chased each other, laughing, right in front of the podium as the Bishop was talking about some serious stuff.
• Kate yanked the blanket off of the baby, put his bib on his head, and kissed his head violently, making him cry.
• Spencer yanked the blanket from Kate and slapped her with it.
• Spencer took his shoes off, sprawled himself across 3 chairs and asked rather loudly for me to massage his bare feet.
• Ezra arched his back fighting me on my lap
• Ezra saw Grandpa and let everyone else know that he saw him.
• I sweated profusely, was completely red in the face, and fought back tears.
• I wanted to climb into a hole.

Well, when Weston came to sit with us he took Jiles out of the car seat because he was smiling up at him and he couldn't resist, I guess. Ezra had to go to the bathroom right away so Weston told Spencer to take him (why?) and they both ran out, and then Ezra ran back in 20 seconds later. Weston handed the baby over to me and took Ezra out. Spencer came back in. Kate was trying to hold Jiles way too rough. She got mad and wandered a little too far towards the front, sat on the ground with her legs spread wide open (uh, no tights on today) and Jiles started to cry. Did I mention we were on the front row? Yeah, and pretty much right under the podium and on display for everyone? I got up, took Kate's hand, and walked out, leaving Spencer by himself (and tons of crayons and coloring books). I walked all the way down that long aisle to the back of the chapel, feeling everyone's eyes and "what-bad-parents-and-wild-kids"/"I-really-hope-that-they-don't-have-any-more-kids" judgements on me.

We passed Weston and Tiny E in the hallway. I was headed straight for the car. The waterworks were coming. I told Kate to climb in and strap herself in, climbed in the driver's seat and cranked the car and air conditioner on. I cried for a bit as I nursed Jiles.

I composed myself, or so I thought, and headed back inside in time for the end of the meeting. I was doing music time in primary which was starting right then. One of my good friends passed me in the hall and asked how I was doing (she and her family had been sitting right next to us in the chapel and I knew she saw everything). I waved my hand "so-so". I felt the tears coming again and knew that if I said one word I would burst into tears. I kept walking. I turned the corner, and saw another good friend, who is the other primary counselor. She asked how I was and that was it. I lost it. I couldn't talk and we both just walked outside. After a little venting and a hug, I took a deep breath and went back in to do singing time (my first time ever doing it...i can't hardly carry a tune...). I had to fake "happy" at first, but then I really did feel better. It was really fun and went real good.

Later, Weston told me what went down after Kate, Jiles, and I left. When Weston went back in with Ezra, Spencer was wandering around the chapel barefoot. And then a little later Weston's cell phone went off really loud.

Can I just say....

HOLY COW! What's the deal? COULD IT HAVE BEEN ANY WORSE?

Actually, I shouldn't say that. Cuz, I guess it could.

Weston told me yesterday evening that they asked him to lead the music in sacrament meeting next week. My reaction: "Great." I'm soloing it. No front row for us. I 'spose we'll have to get there early so that we can sit in the very, very back.

pass it on

2 days ago, I was standing in line at the checkout, 3rd customer back, with a large quantity of groceries in my cart. I had only Jiles with me and I was thinking how easy this trip had been with only one, sleeping, child with me. But then, that one sleeping child stirred. He stirred with one thing on his mind; he stirred loud; he stirred with the intent of expressing his nutritional needs.

I took him out of his carseat, positioned him facing out on my left hip, and started throwing things onto the belt, as it was now my turn to purchase. He didn't stop. I was so focused on hurrying my tail up that I was unaware of things around me.

Then, someone was next to me, helping me put stuff onto the belt. "I know how it is...," she started. She helped me finish getting the items onto the belt, and then came and helped me load stuff into bags and into the cart after the cashier had scanned them.

"You deserve a million blessings for this," I told her. "How can I thank you?" I started to help load her groceries, but she wouldn't let me.

"No you don't. Get out of here and go take care of that baby. Just pass it on to someone else."

Bless her!

5 hours ago, I was driving home from getting our air conditioner fixed in our ancient-of-days vehicle. An all-day trip. Kids aboard, 3 unbaked take-n-bake pizzas occupying the passenger seat next to me, listening to the second to last chapter of the last book in the Chronicles of Narnia series (this is how we spend our road time...we all dig 'em).

The final 12-mile stretch of road - the booniest part of the whole trip - we come upon an old blue sedan that is completely stopped, and half-way in our lane. Hmm. As I pass, I look to the side of the road on my right and see an old man who was kind of walking aimlessly. I pass right by.

Turn around...you should turn around. If you don't... You should turn around, thought I. My cell phone was on my lap.

So I did. I turned around. As soon as I stopped and rolled down the window, the old man asked if I had a cell phone. He was red, sweaty and shaky. It was, afterall, 90 degrees and not a lick of shade nearby. He asked if I would dial a number he had on this little card - some car helper service. I gave the phone back to him, and as he held it, I noticed he had a finger missing. So many men around here do. Then the phone went dead.

It turned out that he was from my town, so I offered him a ride home. He got his car out of the road (which I don't know why he didn't try before) and he hopped into our chill air-conditioned "burb" with us.

His name was Howard. "I just come from the VA Hospital," he said. "I had a heart by-pass not too long ago. Now I'm on meds that counteract in the heat and sunshine." Maybe that's why he was shaky. He served in the marines, joining at 18 years old, and went to Korea back in '52-'55. "Vietnam War?" I asked, and then felt immediately dumb.

"No, Korean." He shot a sideways glance at me and I felt even more dumb.

"Oh, right. I guess I don't know that much about History..." Not that you're old or anything.

We got to his dirt road and followed it toward the mountain until he told me to "turn here". A little travel trailer. Little, and parked under some sort of shelter thing. He thanked me, and I said goodbye. As I drove away, I quickly calculated his age...'52...2009-1952+18= 75. 75 years old.

I'm glad I turned around. I'm glad that I listened. I didn't really do much, I was going that way anyway. But it helped him.

I hope that the grocery-loading lady would consider this a valid pass-on.