one of THOSE days

Yesterday was on of those days. You know, one of those days where you would just rather have crawled into a hole.

Sundays are not my favorite days. They should be, I know, but they are much more stressful than other days for me. Weston irrigates the hay fields in the mornings, or in winter feeds the cows, then comes in and showers, eats, and leaves for his meeting. So that leaves me to get our kids fed/nursed, dressed, and since our church doesn't start until 12:30, refed/renursed, sometimes redressed, sacrament-busy stuff, baby stuff, primary stuff, and rounded up in the car for the 35 minute trip by myself. And I won't even go there about getting shoes and socks on their feet.

Big whoop, right? Well it is to me.

When we got to church yesterday, late as always, I rushed everyone out of the car. Kate only had her pink and purple tie-dye crocs, Ezra his brown flip-flops, and Spencer did have his nice shoes but no socks.

When we walked into the building they were singing the opening song. I rushed everyone, reverently, into the chapel and the only space big enough for all of us was the FRONT ROW! Without thinking I headed straight for it. Big mistake, right? Yup. Especially since Weston was helping with the sacrament on the other side of the chapel. I thought I'd be alright until he got there...hahaha. This is what happened before he came to sit with us:

• Kate and Ezra chased each other, laughing, right in front of the podium as the Bishop was talking about some serious stuff.
• Kate yanked the blanket off of the baby, put his bib on his head, and kissed his head violently, making him cry.
• Spencer yanked the blanket from Kate and slapped her with it.
• Spencer took his shoes off, sprawled himself across 3 chairs and asked rather loudly for me to massage his bare feet.
• Ezra arched his back fighting me on my lap
• Ezra saw Grandpa and let everyone else know that he saw him.
• I sweated profusely, was completely red in the face, and fought back tears.
• I wanted to climb into a hole.

Well, when Weston came to sit with us he took Jiles out of the car seat because he was smiling up at him and he couldn't resist, I guess. Ezra had to go to the bathroom right away so Weston told Spencer to take him (why?) and they both ran out, and then Ezra ran back in 20 seconds later. Weston handed the baby over to me and took Ezra out. Spencer came back in. Kate was trying to hold Jiles way too rough. She got mad and wandered a little too far towards the front, sat on the ground with her legs spread wide open (uh, no tights on today) and Jiles started to cry. Did I mention we were on the front row? Yeah, and pretty much right under the podium and on display for everyone? I got up, took Kate's hand, and walked out, leaving Spencer by himself (and tons of crayons and coloring books). I walked all the way down that long aisle to the back of the chapel, feeling everyone's eyes and "what-bad-parents-and-wild-kids"/"I-really-hope-that-they-don't-have-any-more-kids" judgements on me.

We passed Weston and Tiny E in the hallway. I was headed straight for the car. The waterworks were coming. I told Kate to climb in and strap herself in, climbed in the driver's seat and cranked the car and air conditioner on. I cried for a bit as I nursed Jiles.

I composed myself, or so I thought, and headed back inside in time for the end of the meeting. I was doing music time in primary which was starting right then. One of my good friends passed me in the hall and asked how I was doing (she and her family had been sitting right next to us in the chapel and I knew she saw everything). I waved my hand "so-so". I felt the tears coming again and knew that if I said one word I would burst into tears. I kept walking. I turned the corner, and saw another good friend, who is the other primary counselor. She asked how I was and that was it. I lost it. I couldn't talk and we both just walked outside. After a little venting and a hug, I took a deep breath and went back in to do singing time (my first time ever doing it...i can't hardly carry a tune...). I had to fake "happy" at first, but then I really did feel better. It was really fun and went real good.

Later, Weston told me what went down after Kate, Jiles, and I left. When Weston went back in with Ezra, Spencer was wandering around the chapel barefoot. And then a little later Weston's cell phone went off really loud.

Can I just say....

HOLY COW! What's the deal? COULD IT HAVE BEEN ANY WORSE?

Actually, I shouldn't say that. Cuz, I guess it could.

Weston told me yesterday evening that they asked him to lead the music in sacrament meeting next week. My reaction: "Great." I'm soloing it. No front row for us. I 'spose we'll have to get there early so that we can sit in the very, very back.